


Always and Forever Was Just For A Moment

by Sakusas_Lover



Series: I Can't Erase You, Come Back To Me [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Abuse, Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Cutting, Depression, Everyone but BokuAka is a Background Relationship, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sad Ending, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-14
Updated: 2021-02-14
Packaged: 2021-03-14 07:34:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,965
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29414937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sakusas_Lover/pseuds/Sakusas_Lover
Summary: “Six, turning seven in December,” Akaashi replied, his voice just above a whisper. Still, Bokuto could hear it. He thinks he would always be able to hear what Akaashi says, no matter how quiet it is.And that’s how it all started.---------------------------People grow up and drift apart, but that couldn't happen to us, right?
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Series: I Can't Erase You, Come Back To Me [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2160855
Kudos: 5





	Always and Forever Was Just For A Moment

**Author's Note:**

> In case you didn't read the tags there are some triggers like mentions of cutting, abuse, and depression.

“You know the boy next door?” Bokuto asked Kuroo.

They were seven and playing in Bokuto’s backyard, tossing a volleyball back and forth when Bokuto had his great idea. Kuroo comes over pretty often since their parents work together, and the two easily hit it off. Kenma, their other friend who was a year younger than them, also came over pretty often. Today, however, was one of the days where he would rather stay inside and play video games.

“You mean the Oikawa’s?” Kuroo responded.

“Yeah, they have a son around our age, and I always see him through my window playing with two other boys. We should meet them soon.” The main reason Bokuto brought this up may have just been to meet the black-haired boy with the prettiest blue eyes he’s seen. He knew that it worked when he saw a spark of curiosity in Kuroo’s eyes.

“Why wait? Let’s go now,” and with that Kuroo took off running. 

Kuroo was actually much shyer than he seemed, this was why it took Bokuto a solid 5 seconds to process that Kuroo had left and run to catch up with him. When they reached the Oikawa’s door, they heard Nicki Minaj blasting from inside along with some yells of ‘TURN THAT OFF TRASHYKAWA.’ Unsurprisingly, it was Bokuto who was forced to ring the doorbell even though Kuroo was the one who ran over. A few seconds after he rang the doorbell, the music turned off, and Bokuto could hear footsteps coming towards the door before it swung open. 

“Yahoo~,” said the small, pretty boy who opened the door. He had brown hair and big, chocolate eyes that made him look a little like a doll. 

“U-Um hi, I’m your neighbor, Bokuto. This is my friend Kuroo.” he stuttered out.

“Oh yeah! You’re the boy who always stares at Akaashi!” Oikawa pointed out proudly. 

If Bokuto wasn’t a stuttering, beet-red sack of nerves before, he was now. He kept trying to explain himself and hopefully salvage his neighbor’s impression of him, but the words came out jumbled. But maybe he managed to say something funny because Oikawa burst out laughing.

“IT’S FINE BOKUTO,” Oikawa cried out, laughing hard. Then he leaned in and whispered, “Between you and me, I think Akaashi has a crush on you,” If Bokuto wasn’t blushing before, he was **sure** he was now. But before he had time to dwell on it Oikawa pulled back and yelled for people named Iwa-chan and Akaashi.

“Was the music too loud?” a shorter boy with spiky hair, who he assumed was ‘Iwa-chan’, asked. However, before Bokuto could reply he turned and smacked Oikawa in the head. “SEE, I told you that you were blasting it too loud.”

“Iwa-chan~, that hurt,” Oikawa whined, holding his head. “Besides,” he continued, “they came over to meet us.”

“Really?” asked a small voice.

All of a sudden, a small head peeked out from behind Iwa. The movement made Bokuto jump before he recognized the blue-eyed boy. He stared, and those pretty eyes stared right back. They stared at each other for a while before Kuroo coughed behind him, snapping Bokuto back to reality. 

“Hey hey hey, I’m Koutarou Bokuto, I live next door, and this is my friend Tetsurou Kuroo,” he repeated, reintroducing himself and Kuroo to the others.

“I’m Tooru Oikawa, the mean one beside me is Hajime Iwaizumi,” he paused to look at Bokuto then added, “and the small, cute one is Keiji Akaashi” 

“Hi,” came the tiny voice again. God, he could listen to that voice all day.

“Why don’t you come in,” Iwaizumi offered, his tone much more friendly than when he was talking to Oikawa earlier.

“Sure, thank you,” said Kuroo, talking for the first time since they got there. Then, he had the audacity to waltz in like he’s the one who did all the talking.

“Nice place,” Bokuto complimented as he toed his shoes off in the genkan. 

It was a REALLY nice house, and that became clearer the further you went in. It was bigger than most traditional Japanese homes and also really clean. There were no empty spaces, and you could easily feel at home there. If there was such a thing as a perfect house, this would be it.

“Thanks, now let’s play MUSIC,” Oikawa responded.

“Loserkawa, you better not blast it this time,” Iwaizumi warned.

“Of course not dear Iwa-chan,” Oikawa pouted, but from the mischievous look in his eyes, it was clear that he was planning to do something else. 

While Oikawa was busy setting up the music and Bokuto wasn’t under his knowing gaze, he let his eyes slide over to Akaashi. What he wasn’t expecting was to see a pair of eyes looking at him back. Again, they locked eyes, and again the trance was broken, this time by Oikawa blasting ‘Barbie Tingz’ by Nicki Minaj. 

“I’M THE SHIT WITH NO MAKEUP. DON’T HAVE TO CURL MY HAIR UP,” Oikawa sang, more like screamed really. Bokuto didn’t want to listen to this for much longer.

“Are you allowed to say bad words?” he questioned. His mom always said not to say them or Santa would put him on the naughty list. Was it different with different people, or did Oikawa just not care?

“How old are you Boku-chan?” Oikawa questioned, seemingly innocent.

“Seven! Kuroo too,” Bokuto stated proudly.

“Well, I’m eight. That means I’m allowed to say bad words,” Oikawa replied, smug.   
  


“Woah that’s so cool. I can’t wait until I turn eight in a few months,” Bokuto exclaimed, practically bouncing. 

Wait, if Oikawa was eight, how old was Akaashi? He looked about a year younger than them but he could always be older. Bokuto just recently hit a growth spurt, Akaashi could be that way too. He had to find out for himself or his curiosity would never end.

“How old are you Akaashi?” Bokuto asked politely, turning towards the small boy.

“Six, turning seven in December,” Akaashi replied, his voice just above a whisper. Still, Bokuto could hear it. He thinks he would always be able to hear what Akaashi says, no matter how quiet it is.

And that’s how it all started.

* * *

“OIKAWA, AKAASHI, WAIT UP,” Bokuto screamed, panting as he tried to catch up to the two. 

They were all supposed to be meeting up at Kuroo’s house to go to the beach and hang out before Oikawa, Iwaizumi, Kuroo, and himself went to high school. But they were already running late because Bokuto couldn’t find his swim trunks so now they had to hurry. Just as he was about to give up the idea of catching up to them, Oikawa whispered something to Akaashi that made him stop. Taking advantage of this opportunity, Oikawa took off running, leaving Akaashi behind.

“What happened?” he asked once he finally got to Akaashi’s side.

“It’s nothing, let’s just go,” Akaashi replied, smiling. Akaashi may have grown some and become a little less reserved, but he was still the same in the way that he wouldn’t open up. Bokuto had long past trying to force him to.

“If you say so,” Bokuto shrugged, “Come on, let’s hurry before they leave us.” With that, they sprinted the rest of the way to Kuroo’s house, panting and out of breath once they finally got there.

“What took you guys so long, we’ve been waiting forever~,” Oikawa teased once they were both collapsed on the couch. He doesn’t know how he managed to stay friends with the annoying, insufferable brat for this long. If murder were legal, Oikawa would for sure be at the top of his hit list. 

“Let’s just go to the beach,” he turned to Kuroo, “Are the car and your mom ready?”

“Yeah, they’ve been ready for the past ten minutes, let’s go.”

A few minutes later, once they were all piled into the car, Oikawa let out a shriek. And it wasn’t just any shriek, it was his Nicki Minaj shriek. Yes, Oikawa had a specially crafted shriek just for when he hears a Nicki Minaj song. This just so happened to be one of his favorites and matched the theme of the trip.

“LET’S GO TO THE BEACH, EACH. LET’S GO GET A WAVE.” Oikawa started. “THEY SAY, WHAT THEY GONNA SAY,” 

“Have a drink, clink found the Bud Light,” Akaashi joined in. “If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em ya know,” he said with a wink once he caught Bokuto looking at him. That was all the motivation Bokuto needed to join in with him. Who the fuck taught Akaashi how to wink, and why. 

“BAD BITCHES LIKE ME, IS HARD TO COME BY,” the three screamed together. Maybe all those years with Oikawa blasting Nicki Minaj wasn’t such a waste after all. 

Overall, the beach was fun but Bokuto had sand in places he didn’t even know he could get sand in. It was hard to think that soon they’d all be separating. Iwaizumi and Oikawa were going to a different high school than Kuroo and Bokuto. Then Kenma and Akaashi are still in junior high. This was probably one of the last days that they’d all get to spend together as a group for a while. He couldn’t bear the thought of being without Akaashi. Sure, he’d had to do it his first year of junior high, but they had more time back then. Even though they were at different schools, they still had loads of time to hang out and didn’t have to worry. Things were going to be different now.

“Stop it, Bo,” Kuroo warned, successfully reading his mind like always. “You have your thinking face on, and if you’re thinking about us all splitting up just stop. That hasn’t happened yet and we still have a few more days until we go back to school. So enjoy them instead of worrying about the future. You can think about that when we get there.”

“Thanks, Kuroo,” he smiled. How did he get so lucky in life to be given both Kuroo and Akaashi? Hell, even Kenma and Oikawa had their moments. He decided to take Kuroo’s advice and not waste a single second that he could be spending with his friends. 

“AGAAAASSHHIIIII,” Bokuto yelled, tackling Akaashi into the salty ocean. It made his eyes sting but he could care less, all he could focus on at that moment was the sound of Akaashi’s laugh. The way his nose scrunched up and his shoulders shook. There couldn’t have been anything more beautiful in the world. 

As the laughter slowly died down and their eyes started to open, Bokuto was met with those deep, crystal blue eyes that rivaled even the ocean itself. He couldn’t count how many times he and Akaashi stared into each other’s eyes throughout the years. Studies say that eyes are the way to the soul and that if you stare long enough you can fall in love. If that was true then they must have fallen in love with each other over and over, at least Bokuto knew he did. Maybe, just maybe, he could allow himself that hope that Akaashi did too. He was staring into his eyes right now, wasn’t he? Even better, with the others busy, there would be no one to interrupt them. He leaned down slowly, giving Akaashi the chance to stop him, but the other boy just held his gaze. Right before he reached the other’s lips, he threw his head over Akaashi’s shoulder into the water instead, laughing. How could he think he would ever have a chance with this boy, this beautiful boy that he’s loved ever since he first saw him through the window when he was six. The boy that it took a year to meet, the boy that grew up with him, the boy that was always in sight but out of reach. Who was he fooling? He quickly picked himself up and held out a hand for Akaashi to take, with the biggest smile he could manage. This was okay. He was okay with just being friends. They were happy and he didn’t want to ruin that.

* * *

_Was he about to kiss me? No, that can’t be right. We’re just friends. He wouldn’t._

At least this is what Akaashi was trying to convince himself of. If Bokuto had kissed him, how would he react? How would he tell Bokuto that he doesn’t like him like that, that they were just friends? But it had been so clear in the way Bokuto stared right into his soul what his intentions were. Why would Bokuto like Akaashi of all people though? He could have anyone he wanted, he was attractive enough for it. Even someone like Akaashi could tell that much.

Maybe Bokuto just _thought_ that he was in love with Akaashi. That was the only reasonable explanation. They’ve been spending so much time together that Bokuto mistook their friendship for love. What they needed was some time apart. That should solve everything. So he should just start distancing himself. It wouldn’t be hard anyway, not now that they go to different schools. Besides, it’s not like Akaashi had a hard time making friends. The concerning thing is how long he’d be able to do it before either Bokuto finds out, or he breaks. 

* * *

_One month. It’s been one month since he had last talked to or seen Akaashi. Sure it’s the middle of the school year, but everyone else had made some kind of contact with him. It seemed only Bokuto had been excluded._

Bokuto was sitting on the couch, watching a movie with Kuroo and Kenma, but he just couldn’t focus. His mind kept drifting towards Akaashi. Did he do something wrong? Why had he not noticed that the two of them began drifting sooner?

Once the movie ended, Bokuto was sure he hadn’t watched a single minute of it. He also knew that Kenma and Kuroo were both aware of it, even if they weren’t saying anything. Those two were more perceptive than they seemed, especially with hopeless, pinning idiots. The fact that they were the hopeless, pinning idiots for a long time might’ve had something to do with that. He’s just glad they finally got their shit together and started dating, this is the happiest he’s seen Kuroo in a long time. 

“Bro, just talk to Akaashi,” Kuroo told him later that night while they were on the phone. Finally getting over-paranoid, Bokuto opted to call Kuroo and get some advice.

“But what if he wants space?” he panicked. He never said he was going to take the advice.

“Then he’ll tell you. You guys can’t go on like this, one of you needs to communicate,” God, why was Kuroo so agreeable sometimes. 

After they said goodnight and hung up, Bokuto devised a plan. Since he had the day off tomorrow he could stop by Akaashi’s school and talk to him before the bell rung. It was pretty fool-proof and even he could do it. What he would say to him was a different problem, however, and he decided to put it off until he gets there. With thoughts of what would come tomorrow, he fell asleep.

The next morning, he rushed to Akaashi’s school as fast as he could. He had to do this now before he got cold feet. All was going well and he wasn’t going to chicken out until he reached the gate. There he saw Akaashi laughing with a handsome boy, the most outgoing he’s seen with someone other than him. That sight in itself was enough to make Bokuto regret his whole decision and run back to his house, but when he reached the door he was shaking and crying. He couldn’t let his parents see him like like and he especially couldn’t let them know the reasoning. So, he went to Oikawa’s house, his parents weren’t home and he lived right next door so it made sense.

“Well, what do you want-,” Oikawa cut off as soon as he laid eyes on Bokuto’s shaking figure and swollen eyes.

“Hey, hey, hey, Oikawa,” Bokuto forced out, hoping his voice sounded even.

“What the fuck did Akaashi do?” Oikawa bit out, eyes stone cold. His eyes softened a bit though, as Bokuto started crying harder at the mention of Akaashi, and he gently led him inside. 

“What happened Boku-chan?” Oikawa tried again once Bokuto had calmed down a bit.

“Akaashi replaced me,” Bokuto whispered from where his head rested on Oikawa’s life. 

Somehow sensing that Bokuto didn’t want to talk about it at that moment, Oikawa just hummed gently and put on a Nicki Minaj song. This was one of the many reasons that they had stayed good friends throughout the years. Bokuto went into emo-mode quite often and whenever Akaashi wasn’t there, Oikawa was. No matter how much of a brat he may be, he truly cares about others and is very understanding when he needs to be. 

After lots of crying, hugs, missed school days, and talks with Kuroo, Bokuto finally started to feel better. Sure, his dreams were still plagued with the sight of Akaashi smiling with someone else and flashbacks to the boy who used to hide behind him, but he was okay. He would always miss Akaashi’s smiles and the way he softly talked and clung to him, but he could learn to live without him. He could do anything if it meant Akaashi would be happy.

* * *

“Fix it,” Kuroo hissed from the other side of the line.

“There’s nothing to fix Kuroo,” he replied calmly. Sure he knew what Kuroo was talking about, but he wasn’t budging.

“He was crying ‘Kaashi,” Kuroo whispered. “He never cries, but he was crying.” 

Something about that broke Akaashi. It was true, no matter how sad Bokuto gets, he doesn’t cry. Did he actually cry because of Akaashi? Maybe Kuroo was just lying.

“Why would he cry about me avoiding him?” he questioned.

“It wasn’t about you avoiding him. He went to your school on our day off and saw you laughing with someone else. He thinks you replaced him.”

_Shit._ As he took off running towards Bokuto’s house, ignoring the throbbing pain in his legs from volleyball practice, he couldn’t help but think about the way Kuroo’s voice sounded. It sounded like Kuroo was on the verge of crying himself. Akaashi, more than anyone, knew how much Kuroo cared about Bokuto. In the past few months that made him wonder, why him? Kuroo has always been there, so why did Bokuto choose to like him? Either way, he knew he had to fix this, he just didn’t know how to.

A few days later, it came to him. It was so simple, because what did Bokuto love most in the world? Well, the first thing was attention, especially when it was from Akaashi, and the second thing was owls. So now Akaashi knew exactly what to get him.

  
  


Once he had bought everything, he raced to Bokuto’s house and rang the doorbell. Hopefully, it would be as easy as he had hoped.

“Akaashi?” Bokuto questioned, clearly shocked. He rubbed his eyes a few times before finally settling down. 

Did he think Akaashi was a hallucination? This certainly means he hallucinated him before right? What exactly had he put his best friend through, and all because he suspected that Bokuto had a crush on him. It may not have even been true. Still, Akaashi couldn’t back away now, so he forced a smile and held out the owl keychain he got.

“Is that for me?” Bokuto asked all smiles, a complete 180 from his earlier mood.

“Who else would it be for, Bokuto-san,” Akaashi laughed, but he wasn’t done yet. “I’m sorry for distancing myself from you for the past few months. I was trying to think over some things, but now it seems there was a misunderstanding. I hope you can forgive me,” he added.

“Of course I forgive you ‘Kaashi, we’re supposed to be best friends always and forever,” Bokuto beamed, and instantly it felt like a heavyweight had been lifted. Right before they were about to head inside, Akaashi stopped. 

“Oh, I almost forgot, this is yours, too” Akaashi smiled, holding out a small watch. “If you ever feel lonely and wanna contact me but we’re in school, just tap the watch and it will make both my watch and your watch change colors. Then, I’ll send you another color back.”

“WOAH, THAT’S SO COOL ‘KAASHI! CAN WE MAKE CODES WITH THE COLORS?” Akaashi missed seeing the spark in Bokuto’s eyes whenever he talked to him more than he thought he did.

“Whatever you want Bokuto-san,” he replied, he really can’t say no to anything Bokuto asks. Fuck, he’s screwed.

* * *

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Maybe if he ignored it, it would go away. It was probably just Oikawa throwing rocks at his window again anyway. Ever since their first year of high school, he’s taken to doing that in the middle of the night, although Bokuto had no idea why. Who the hell put them in rooms with windows facing each other? 

_Tap. Tap. Tap._

Okay then, looks like the sound isn’t going away. Bokuto groaned, finally giving in, and walked over to his window. However, instead of seeing Oikawa, he was greeted with a set of ocean eyes. Normally this would make him elated, but there was only one reason Akaashi could be here right now. On the other hand, maybe, just maybe, luck was on Bokuto’s side and he just wanted to talk.

“Hey hey hey, Akaashi,” Bokuto laughed a little nervously.

“Don’t ‘hey hey hey, Akaashi’ me” Akaashi glared, his eyes piercing, blue daggers. So he _did_ know. You fucking traitor, Kuroo.

“Fine,” he sighed and took a step back, “Come in.” 

“What’s all the talk I hear about you leaving?” Akaashi whispered once they were seated on the bed.

“It’s exactly what you heard, I’m leaving tomorrow and moving to the United States. Sorry, I didn’t tell you, but I wanted to spend our last days together happy.”

“So when _were_ you going to tell me?” Akaashi challenged. 

Bokuto didn’t really have an answer to that, because truthfully he didn’t know. He might not have told Akaashi until he was in the United States. He may not have even told him at all and waited until Akaashi came over to find him gone. That probably would’ve been simpler than what he was going through now, though. Noting his silence, Akaashi took this as a sign to continue.

“So you had nothing to say to me before you left?” he questioned, clearly hurt. 

“Unless you want me to blurt out that I like you then no. I’ve liked you since I was six and staring through Oikawa’s window.” Bokuto laughed. This was as good of a time as any to say it, he may never see Akaashi again.

“Bokuto-san, I don’t-” Akaashi started.

“You don’t have to say anything, I don’t think I can handle rejection right now,” Bokuto quickly interrupted.

“Okay,” the other complied.

“Thanks for coming but I have an early flight tomorrow and need to go to sleep. Bye, Akaashi.”

“Bye, Bokuto-san.” 

“Hey, ‘Kaashi?” he whispered.

“Yes, Bokuto-san?” Akaashi replied, turning back, hopeful. 

“This won’t change anything between us, right? We’ll still be best friends?”

“Always and forever,” Akaashi offered, with a small smile. Something about looked unsure though, like he was trying to convince himself.

“You know what Oikawa told me that day we all went to the beach?” Akaashi started slowly as if sensing his doubts. “He said that you liked me and that I would be an idiot not to take the chance. Maybe he was right.”

No additional words were exchanged as Akaashi climbed out of Bokuto’s window and the two looked at each other for the last time. As soon as Akaashi was out of sight, Bokuto threw himself onto his bed and let out the tears he had been holding in. He cried for the first time in a year. He cried for leaving Akaashi, all the scars he got playing volleyball, all the fighting between Oikawa and Iwaizumi he’d miss, he cried because he was leaving Kuroo and Kenma. Most importantly, he cried because the boy he loved for most of his short-lived life just rejected him.

* * *

Going to high school in the United States was fun. He learned what weed was and enjoyed parties, but he was homesick the whole time. Throughout the two years that he was there, he didn’t talk to Akaashi for 1 and a half. It’s not like they didn’t try to keep in touch, but it was still awkward from his confession and the time difference didn’t help. Either way, he was okay now, all the late-night crying sessions with Kenma helped. No matter what anyone else says, Kenma is the best person to talk to, he listens and really helps others. Of course, no one other than him and Kuroo would ever know that. 

However, now he was back in Japan and he couldn’t wait to see his friends. Did they change a lot? He knew that he did, and not just in personality. He grew at least half a foot, got buff from playing Football so much, and lost almost all of his baby fat. He soon got his answer when he returned to his old home. In his front yard waiting for him were none other than Kuroo, Iwaizumi, Oikawa, and Kenma. Other than everyone except Kenma, although he did grow an inch or two, getting taller and more muscle, they looked about the same.

“BRO?” Kuroo screamed.

“BRO?!?!!?!” Bokuto screamed back.

“BRO!”

“BRO!”

“Kuroo.” Kenma warned.

“Fine, fine.” Kuroo gave in. “It’s good to see you, Bo, how have you been?”

“Great, America’s fun! But I did miss you guys,” he pouted.

“We missed you too, Boku-chan” Oikawa smiled, blowing a kiss.

“When I said I missed you guys, I meant Kenma, Kuroo, and Iwaizumi, not you Oikawa,” he said, rolling his eyes. Why did this brat have to be his neighbor?

“Aw Boku-chan, I’m hurt. I thought you loved me,” Oikawa whined, fake-pouting.

“Did you not tell Akaashi that you were coming back?” Iwaizumi questioned, finally speaking from where he had been standing and staying quiet for the past few minutes.

“Shut up, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa hissed to his boyfriend. Iwaizumi really couldn’t read the atmosphere. 

“Haha, it’s fine Oikawa,” he said, forcing a smile then turning towards Iwaizumi. “We don’t talk anymore,” 

“Anyone wanna play a video game?” Kenma offered, clearly trying to change the topic. 

“Sure let’s go,” Kuroo replied, clearly eager to change the subject.

They spent the whole day laughing, playing video games, and drinking. Throughout it all, they were not-so-subtlely avoiding anything that had to do with the name Akaashi. He should have emphasized the drinking though because he was very drunk by the end of the night after everyone else left. So really it’s not even his fault that his legs took him to Akaashi’s house and rather Kuroo’s for leaving him drunk and alone.

_Ding Dong._

Even though he was slowly sobering up the ringing gave him a headache and it became even worse when a man who wasn’t Akaashi opened the door. 

“Who the hell are you?” the strange man spat.

“My name is Bokuto, is Akaashi here?” he asked. Did he get the wrong house? Sure, he hasn’t been here in two years but with the nine years he spent walking the trail to Akaashi’s house it should be like a sixth sense.

“What would you want with that whore?” the man laughed. Bokuto’s hatred for this unfamiliar man just kept growing second by second. Who did he think he was, calling Akaashi a whore.

“I don’t think you ever told me exactly who you were,” Bokuto said, trying his best to sound friendly despite everything.

“I’m Akaashi’s boyfriend. If you really are friends with Akaashi you should’ve known, we’ve been dating for a year after all.” the man smugly stated. Boyfriend. Boyfriend. This man who called Akaashi a whore was actually his _boyfriend._ That’s when Bokuto lost it, he punched him. Then he kept punching him until he was satisfied and there was blood running from his nose.

“Babe? Who’s at the-” Akaashi cut off as soon as he laid eyes on Bokuto on top of his boyfriend. Akaashi stood there frozen, eyes wide.

“Akaashi I-” Bokuto started.

“BOKUTO?!?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO SATO? GET OFF!” Akaashi cried, tears running.

The Akaashi he saw before him now was nothing like the one he used to know. He was thin and bruised all over. Did his boyfriend do that to him? He couldn’t take the tears and the physical state of his body, he got off of the man named Sato and ran towards his house, now completely sober.

* * *

That man couldn’t have been Bokuto. Sure they looked similar but he was so violent, and if it was Bokuto why did no one tell him that he was back. Why didn’t _Bokuto_ tell him that he was back? Well, he was probably here earlier to tell him, but how long had he been back. It was clear that he didn’t just get here.

His thoughts were interrupted by the piercing, shattering noises that echoed through the house. Akaashi knew what was coming next, he just had to wait it out. Leave it to his boyfriend to not make him wait long, just a minute later he came bursting through the bedroom doors, screaming about how everything bad was his fault. 

“NO ONE WILL EVER LOVE YOU FOR ANYTHING OTHER THAN YOUR BODY!” Sato screamed. 

Of course, there were many other screams and shouts of hateful words, but after a year of dealing with the constant abuse, Akaashi learned to block it out. At this point, he could barely even register the pain as he got hit over and over. Sometime throughout the abuse, he may have started crying, but he was only partially aware. As long as his boyfriend got out his anger it was good right? It had to be, that’s all he’s known since Bokuto left.

* * *

“Kenmaaaa, please,” Bokuto whined.

“No, Bokuto-san,” Kenma sighed.

“I don’t remember what happened last night, but Akaashi was crying. I have to see what happened,” he continued to argue. This morning he woke up with two things. Number one, a pounding headache that still won’t go away, and number two, memories from last night of Akaashi crying.

“I’m not telling you,” alright, so he clearly wasn’t gonna give in anytime soon, and that’s why he had Kuroo. 

“Fine then,” he pouted and walked away.

“Kuroooooo,” he whined, throwing himself onto Kuroo.

“No, Kenma already told me,” Kuroo rejected.

“But bro, you’re like my best friend. Please just tell me,” he tried, faking innocence. 

“Fine, but you have to promise not to sink into your emo mode,” Kuroo relented.

“Promise,” Bokuto shouted, eyes sparkling with joy.

“When you were drunk last night you went over to Akaashi’s house and punched the living shit out of his boyfriend. Honestly, that prick deserves it for the hell he put Akaashi through, but then he blamed Akaashi for it and beat him again.” Kuroo whispered, voice barely there.

“Again?!?!!! And it was my fault this time?” his voice cracked. How could this happen? He swore to protect Akaashi all his life, so how did he end up being the one to hurt him? 

“Bo? BO YOU SAID YOU WOULDN’T DO THIS!” Kuroo shouted, worried.

Not having the strength to manage much else, Bokuto gave him a sad smile as he turned and walked into his house. There was so much to think about. Was leaving for America the right decision? Would this have happened if he stayed? It wasn’t fair, how could Bokuto have been so happy in America while Akaashi was back in Japan, suffering. The world was a cruel place, but this was really all his fault for not making better decisions, for being so selfish.

If he was causing all this pain to others did he truly deserve to live? Somewhere deep down he knew that it wasn’t his fault and he was going down a dangerous path but all logic was lost. Not even drugs or alcohol could help him now. Not when he was dumb inside and out. He wanted to feel something, anything. And that thought is what lead him to the butcher knife. Slicing his skin, he was desperate to feel something, anything. The stinging sensations were liberating.

So he kept doing it. For weeks his days were filled only with eating, cutting, and drinking. He ignored calls, texts, and knocks at his door. Everything felt like a chore, even just getting out of bed. Without Akaashi, his life seemed bland, but he couldn’t speak to him, not after what he did.

One day, however, he decided to answer. He’s been ignoring his friends for a month and he felt like they deserved at least some type of explanation. Bokuto definitely wasn’t going to tell Kuroo about the cutting, but he could at least tell them he was safe. Picking up the phone, he braced himself for the worst.

“What the fuck Bo!”

“Nice to talk to you too Kuroo. How have you been? How’s the weather outside?” Bokuto smirked, leave it to Kuroo to be as blunt as possible.

“Cut the crap. After not answering any of our texts and calls for a month you expect a warm greeting?” he hissed. 

“Fine, fine,” Bokuto complied. “Sorry, I was going through some things and thinking about Akaashi.”

“Well, are you feeling better now?” Kuroo asked.

“Yes,” Bokuto lied, he didn’t need Kuroo to worry about him any more than he probably already was. 

“That’s good, but don’t disappear like that again, Bo. Everyone was super worried, especially Akaashi, he’s blaming himself.” Kuroo said.

Oh great, another way he’s hurting Akaashi. He really can’t seem to stop hurting his best friend, did he even have the right to call him that anymore? Maybe it would be better for everyone if he died. There’s a knife right beside him, it wouldn’t be hard to kill himself right now and no one would ever know. No, stop it, Bo. Stop thinking like that. 

“Okay, I won’t. Thanks, Kuroo,” he said, trying not to sound as depressed as he felt.

“Anytime, Bo.” How could he have been worthy of Kuroo? Kuroo would live a way better life if he didn’t have to spend it worrying about Bokuto all the time. No, he’s doing it again.

He wanted to get better, he truly did, but it wasn’t that simple, you couldn’t just turn off your depression. Every day, living got harder and harder. Intrusive thoughts came more often, whenever he saw a knife or a rope, and he wanted to talk to someone about it, but who would understand? He drifted off to sleep with only these thoughts in mind.

“BOKUTO-SAN!” someone yelled.

“Huh?” he answered sleepily, still not quite awake. The world was blurry but when it finally came into focus he saw a worried Kenma leaning over him.

“Bokuto-san?” Kenma tried again.

“What are you doing here, Kenma?” Bokuto asked, still not quite fully registering what was happening. 

“That’s not important right now. Why are there cuts on your wrists?” he asked, worried. 

Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. He saw. He can’t go back now. How could he possibly explain this? Kenma’s going to think he’s crazy. He should’ve killed himself when he had the chance. 

“Bokuto-san, calm down,” Kenma said, frantic. “I’m not judging you, there was a point in my life I was like this too.”

“Really?” Bokuto sniffed, shocked to find that he was crying. 

“Yeah,” Kenma smiled, calm and collected as always. It’s hard to believe that Kenma was ever in the same place he was. What if Kenma was lying? What if he was just trying to get him to open up so that he could exploit him? No, Kenma wouldn’t do that to Bokuto, he’s not that kind of person. Why the fuck won’t these thoughts just go away, they’re ruining Bokuto’s life.

“But it got better?” Bokuto asked, seeking reassurance.

“But it got better,” Kenma nodded, after taking a while to think about it. Did it really, though? As if sensing his hesitation, Kenma continued. “There are still days I relapse, but they don’t come as often anymore. A big part of that was you, Kuroo, and Oikawa, even Iwaizumi sometimes. You have to let in your family and friends and allow them to try and help you.”

“Okay,” Bokuto agreed. It wasn’t going to be easy, but the least he could do was try. Especially when his friends had gone out their way to try and help him.

So he did. He took therapy for months and he was finally starting to get better. He went out more, started replying to messages, and ate healthier. He even stopped trying to push away his family and friends and the intrusive thoughts came less and less. Maybe if Bokuto continued like this, it would be reduced to only a few bad days as Kenma said.

At least that’s what he thought until he got a call from the center of this mess. The boy he loved and the boy who ruined him. Call him weak, but just the sight of Akaashi’s name and face on his phone was enough to send him spiraling into a relapse. Thinking about how easy it was to send him tumbling down a hill was kind of funny.

“Yahoo~, Boku-chan! Are you ready for therapy?” Oikawa sang, walking inside. Almost instantly, he saw Akaashi’s name and raced to decline.

“I’m not going,” said Bokuto.

“Okay, I won’t force you,” Oikawa replied, smiling softly. Walking away, he looked back and told Bokuto something he’d never forget.

Maybe Kenma was wrong, maybe he would never get better. Every time something goes right something else goes terribly wrong.

* * *

“We have to do something about this Kuroo,” Oikawa whined to his friend. 

Both Bokuto and Akaashi had been suffering for months with no end. They couldn’t just continue to stand by and do nothing, he had to help them somehow. 

“Yeah, I know, but what will we do? Bokuto won’t accept help, and Akaashi is blaming himself for Bokuto’s condition while also getting beaten by his piece-of-shit boyfriend.” Kuroo grumbled.

“It’s simple my dear, hopeless friend. We’ll get Iwa-chan and Kenma to talk to Akaashi and we’ll talk to Bokuto,” Oikawa grinned.

“Alright, let’s call them” Kuroo agreed.

Once they had called everyone and explained their ideas, they set out. It only took a minute to reach Bokuto’s door, knocking was much harder. Would Bokuto even open the door? Fuck it, he opens the door, which was surprisingly open, and walked in.

“Boku-chan~, you in here?” Oikawa sang out.

“Go away, Oikawa” he heard Bokuto grumble from somewhere in the house. “You said you wouldn’t force me to go to therapy. And why the hell is Kuroo here?” Ah, so he could see them. 

“We’re not here to force you to go to therapy, Bo.” Kuroo injected. “We just wanna talk.”

“Fine,” whined Bokuto as he came out of his hiding spot.

“Bo, you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened with Akaashi. Even before you got back, he was always finding ways to abuse him. It’s not your fault.” Kuroo tried.

“He still didn’t have to get hit that certain day. I caused him even more pain,” Bokuto cried. Oikawa quickly ran over to hug him, give him any kind of comfort.

“Come on, Bokuto. You were doing so well in therapy, and we’ll always be here for you. Please keep trying, and we’ll stand by you all the way, picking you up whenever you fall.” promised Oikawa.

“Fine,” Bokuto whispered from where his head lay in Oikawa’s lap. Oikawa turned towards Kuroo and winked discreetly, before resuming running his fingers through Bokuto’s hair.

By the time they met up with the others, Kuroo and Oikawa were ecstatic. They made serious progress with Bokuto, therapy had already cracked the door, they just had to push it open the rest of the way. From the looks on Iwaizumi’s face, they made progress too. 

“Iwa-chan~” Oikawa sang while he skipped over. “What did you find out?”

“Akaashi rejected Bokuto the night before he left, they separated, but Akaasho has secretly always liked him. He got with his boyfriend to try and forget about Bokuto but now he’s manipulating him.” blurted Kenma.

“You mean to tell me that they didn’t take that time to confess when we were younger and tried to set them up?” Kuroo grumbled, clearly annoyed.

“You mean that time with the kiss?” Kenma laughed.

It was about five years ago, when they were barely teens, that they had tried to get Bokuto and Akaashi to realize their feelings. Sure, they’d tried subtle tricks earlier on but this was the first big thing they pulled. 

“Come on Akaashi! Hurry uppp,” Oikawa whined, pulling the confused boy to his backyard. 

A few hours earlier, Kuroo, Kenma, and Iwa-chan had set up a romantic table with fairy lights strung across the backyard and ordered take out. Oikawa had been tasked with bringing the two boys there and he wasn’t about to half-ass his mission. Instructing Akaashi to sit down and wait, he ran over to Bokuto’s house next door and lured him over with the guise of free food in his backyard. After that, he joined the others inside the house and watched the two through the window. While they did eat, it was mainly awkward until they agreed to go back over to Bokuto’s house and play volleyball. So maybe not _all_ their hard work was a bust, but it still didn’t go the way it was meant to.

Oikawa didn’t know what to be more surprised about, the fact that Ken-chan was actually speaking, or the fact that those two idiots have been just that...idiots. Have they really loved each other for a decade and not told each other? Everyone had their suspicions, it’s not like they didn’t make it obvious, but he at least thought that maybe Akaashi wasn’t aware of his feelings. They had to fix this.

“Oikawa, no.” Kuroo interrupted. “Whatever you’re thinking, stop thinking about it. We’ve interfered enough, this is something that they have to figure out on their own.” 

“Fine,” Oikawa muttered. Objectively, he knew it wasn’t their place to get involved any further. On the other hand, who would be thinking objectively while they watched their closest friends suffer.

“Don’t worry so much, Shittykawa. We’ll be there for them if they ever want to turn to us for help. We’ve been friends for all our lives, that isn’t going to change now.” Iwaizumi comforted, and it worked, everything will be okay.

* * *

“Kenmaaaaa, come here,” Hinata pouted, doing grabby hands, he could be cute when he wanted to be.

“Do you need something?” he asked, even though he was already halfway in his boyfriend’s lap. 

“Just you,” Hinata beamed, and oh was Kenma down bad. 

Since he was already there he decided to watch the volleyball game currently airing. Oh was that a mistake, because the moment he looked at the screen, he was greeted with a face full of Oikawa fucking Tooru. 

“Baby? What’s wrong?” His sunshine questioned as if sensing how uncomfortable he was. That was one of the reasons Kenma loved him.

“Nothing, Shoyo,” Kenma smiled, although it was a bit forced. If Hinata didn’t believe him, which Kenma was sure he didn’t, then he didn’t push the topic any further. This was another one of the many reasons why Kenma loved him. Sometimes though, he wondered what Oikawa was doing with his life now that he was in Argentina.

* * *

“OIKAWA, OVER HERE!” _Flash._ “OIKAWA, LOOK THIS WAY!” _Click._ “OIKAWA, ARE YOU CURRENTLY SEEING ANYONE?”

“Slow down guys,” he sang, these things never got any easier. “Yes, I am seeing someone currently,” he offered.

“WHO?” asked a nearby reporter.

“Babe, come here,” Oikawa called, opening his arms. As if on cue, Sugawara walked into them and smiled at the many camera’s surrounding him.

“You’re dating Sugawara Koshi? Famous actor and model?” a different reporter asked, shoving the camera in his face. It was almost blinding.

“Yup, that’s me,” Suga giggled, flashing the camera one of his signature winks and sticking his tongue out. 

Somewhere throughout the interviews and photos, Oikawa started to get lost in his head. He wasn’t there anymore, but with a young group of boys, about 9 or 10, playing in a backyard that he used to call his second home. Over time, the pain of losing his closest friends faded to background noise, but in times like this thoughts resurfaced. They didn’t necessarily just fall out of touch one day, one missed call turned into two turned into ten, until suddenly they stopped coming at all. The boys grew up and had different lives, the roots that had once grown together spread out. However, Oikawa knew that no matter how far they went from each other, going back to the beginning they’d always be connected.

* * *

“What are you thinking about?” Tsukishima whispered, startling Kuroo.

“Where did you even come from?” questioned Kuroo, still shocked.

“I’ve been here for ages, you’ve just been too engrossed in whatever you’re looking at to notice.” snapped back. “What are you even looking at?” he added, peering over Kuroo’s shoulder to his phone.

“Just some old memories,” Kuroo laughed, smiling fondly.

“You knew famous volleyball players Bokuto and Oikawa? And isn’t that some famous streamer, I think his name starts with a K. Who’s that other guy?” his boyfriend inquired.

Kuroo just responded with a laugh. There was no real way to describe the relationship between them, or how they fell out of touch. No one would understand besides the six of them. A story of how 6 boys found their other halves, then lost them. Kuroo thought that no matter how much distance was between them they would always be connected by the memories they shared. The times they laughed together, the times they cried together, and every time in between. 

* * *

_Everything hurts. It’s been hurting for a while. Ever since Iwaizumi lost his other half._

He was proud of Oikawa, he was. He was living his dream, basking in the attention, and he seemed happy. The problem wasn’t that Oikawa was far away, or even that he was still playing volleyball while Iwaizumi wasn’t, that would never be the problem. The problem was that Iwaizumi wasn’t there to experience it with him. His spot was taken by Sugawara, and maybe Suga deserved that spot more than Iwaizumi ever did. Suga had the looks, money, and fame to match Oikawa, but what did he have? 

Everything was so much easier back then when they were dumb kids who didn’t know the cruelty that the world would bring. He remembered that once, a long time ago, he promised them that they wouldn’t drift apart. Oh, how wrong he was. The most painful part wasn’t even the fact that they slowly drifted away from each other until they broke contact completely if Iwaizumi was being honest. It was knowing that he could have stopped it if he truly tried if he reached out more. It was seeing everyone living their own lives and feeling like he was the only one looking back.


End file.
